“Some days I wished that I had never woken up”

Paul, 59

(With respect to our client’s confidentiality in this story, we have used a pseudonym.)

“Some days I wished that I had never woken up.”

Paul’s depression started when he experienced a lack of support and respect at his workplace. Each day was mentally exhausting and consisted of constant negativity, but he forced himself to attend. Paul began to feel worthless and alone; he was surrounded by people, yet isolated in his own thoughts. His pessimistic thoughts consumed him. He felt that no one understood him, and gradually lost contact with friends and family. He started to dread attending events which usually gave him comfort, such as teaching. Questions about his purpose in life rang through his mind, and he began to contemplate suicide.

“I almost lost everything to depression. I often walked by overpasses and thought about how easy it would be to end it. I would hear about suicides on the radio, and thought to myself that I had to keep quiet about my feelings,” Paul shared. “I attempted suicide two times and my doctor advised me to get help.”

Paul learned about the Calgary Counselling Centre through a brochure, and after viewing the Centre’s website he began attending individual sessions with a counsellor. He found solace in speaking about his feelings to someone who understood.

“I was comfortable talking with her and felt that I could trust her. She was there to make me feel better and get me better,” Paul said, when asked about his counsellor. “She didn’t want me to go back to work. I had a particularly bad night and called her, and she told me to come in first thing in the morning. I honestly think she saved my life that night.”

After attending counselling for approximately five months, Paul learned that people care about him, and that there is hope. He now finds comfort in small human interactions, and occupies his mind with reading and exercising. With a new job and supportive people who care about him, each day Paul gets closer to overcoming his depression.

“I would like to tell those who are scared to reach out. It is hard, but people are there, and they care about you – there is help,” Paul said.