Season 1, Episode 2: Social Media and Your Mental Health
On this episode of Living Fully, host Katherine Hurtig talks with registered psychologist Krista Beck about social media and its relation to your mental health. They cover the positive and negative impacts social media can have on mental health, the difference between social media ideation and reality, parenting and social media, and how to spot the red flags surrounding posts that may be more harmful than helpful.
This podcast episode has been adapted from a Facebook Live interview on November 18, 2020.
For bonus information on how social media impacts teens and their self-esteem, check out our blog.
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Krista Beck:
There tends to be a huge amount of comparison with other people, and then envy related to that, and trying to then one up — and it turns into a vicious cycle. But when we're online and we're seeing, you know, all of these things posted — someone's going on a family vacation to Hawaii; their kids look like they're being perfectly behaved —it's really hard not to start comparing and then potentially feeling really badly about one's own situation, or kids, or life, or financial situation.
Katherine Hurtig:
Welcome to “Living Fully”, a Calgary Counselling Centre podcast. Each episode we'll bring you insights from our expert counsellors, and tips and strategies to improve your mental well-being. I'm your host, Katherine Hurtig.
In this episode, we'll be discussing the positive and negative impacts that social media can have on both you and your mental health. To discuss this topic, I reached out to Krista Beck, registered psychologist with Calgary Counselling Centre. Krista talks about differentiating social media and reality, how to spot what content you're taking in that may be harmful to you, why there is more to a healthy online presence than positivity, and much more. This interview took place on November 18th, 2020.
In what ways can social media be good for our mental health, and in what ways could it potentially be detrimental?
Krista Beck:
Well, some of the ways that it can be helpful or beneficial are, I've noticed a lot of people tend to post goals that they have. So they might be looking at stopping smoking, or getting more fit — going to the gym more often — and so there's definitely a layer of accountability that exists or can be promoted when posting that and updates on social media. So that could be a benefit. People have found that really helpful. One of the other ways is developing a sense of community and understanding. So, apps like Reddit have so many different groups, so many different subreddits. So depending on your age, or if you're divorced, if you're in a blended family, if you're having mental health issues, you can find a community in which other people have experienced the same thing. They really understand it and you can really feel like I'm not alone in that situation.
Katherine Hurtig:
Mm-hmm.
Krista Beck:
One of the things with COVID, in particular — and I know a lot of people are probably working from home or potentially have lost their jobs — may be spending more time on social media because they’re not out and about and seeing people in real life. So it can help with some of those feelings of isolation. And in some cases even leading to real friendships. So I think about a couple of years ago, my son had been gaming on the computer with some of his buddies from school and one of them had some friends in B.C. So they kind of introduced each other online and then we ended up taking a road trip that summer and I took my son to B.C. He met that friend. And, so, they're still friends from there, but it started online. So that was kind of interesting. So those are some of the positives.
But some of the negatives to talk about is although there's some controversy among experts about whether there is an addictive property to the internet and social media, there does seem to be research that shows that there is that potential of being addicted to either. So, there was a study done out of the U.K. that showed that some of those addictive type behaviors were happening. Things like neglecting one's personal life, being mentally preoccupied, hiding the behavior, escaping from the realities or stressors of day-to-day life — and there's also been some studies that show that some withdrawal symptoms happen with internet use being stopped or social media in particular.
Katherine Hurtig:
Okay.
Krista Beck:
And then a few other things as well. In particular, there are two chemicals in our brain — dopamine and oxytocin — and those are part of the reason why we get satisfaction out of people liking, or following or, or whatever other kind of reward cues we're getting on social media. So dopamine is a chemical that creates want — a desire to find out information, to seek for things.
So, for example, on social media there's always like these little bits of information or stimulated by unpredictable things or getting rewards and that definitely gets to the dopamine part of our brain, and the pull for some people to like, post, or tweet in some cases can be almost stronger than the urge to resist alcohol or cigarettes. So that can be a very strong pull.
And then with oxytocin, that's known as the like, “love chemical” or “cuddle chemical”. So when you kiss someone or hug someone that's typically released. And what's so interesting to me is there was a steady done that showed, in 10 minutes of social media time, oxytocin levels rose 13%.
Katherine Hurtig:
Wow!
Krista Beck:
So those feelings that come with the release of oxytocin, like lowered stress, love, generosity, empathy, those were released, which then pull someone back into that social media cycle. So there's absolutely a psychological and a brain chemical reason for why we feel that satisfaction.
For some people, they find it actually triggers more sadness being on social media, both like in the moment, but then also general life satisfaction and one of the issues is, there tends to be a huge amount of comparison with other people, and then envy related to that and trying to then one up, and it turns into a vicious cycle. But when we're online and we're seeing, you know, all of these things posted — someone's going on a family vacation to Hawaii; their kids look like they're being perfectly behaved — it's really hard not to start comparing and then potentially feeling really badly about one's own situation, or kids, or life, or financial situation. And the other thing is like, just because someone has a lot of friends on social media doesn't necessarily mean that translates into real life. There's some research that shows that our brain only has the capacity really to have so many friendships, and to develop those it’s important to have real life interaction.
Katherine Hurtig:
Social media can be a great tool to connect to other people, document memorable life moments, and give ourselves the occasional distraction. But like Krista said, if we're not careful, it can become all consuming and has the ability to impact our mood and how we feel about ourselves.
When we compare. ourselves and our lives to the limited scope of what someone puts on social media, we get an unrealistic standard to live up to.
Krista Beck:
Yeah, absolutely. A word I've noticed being used a lot lately, whether it's on podcasts or online or even just in general, is the word “curated”. So I feel like that's what's happening online, is people curate the kind of impression that kind of like they would like to have other people see. So when you see pictures of perfectly decorated cakes or garnished meals or flawless Instagram models, it's really hard to not feel like everybody looks like that, or everybody's doing that —and that's what's happening out there — and why am I not fitting into that mold; why does my life look so different? But when people can pick and choose what they're posting, it's not a realistic view of what's actually happening. And then that's where feelings of sadness and isolation, potentially, and depression can kick in, because we feel that disconnect.
Katherine Hurtig:
Is there anything that we can do when we're on social media or off to kind of help us with that discernment?
Krista Beck:
I think that, well, one of the things and, I think it's important to talk about boundaries around social media for ourselves. So things like limiting the amount of time that we're on social media, so that that's not the only thing that we're seeing. Spending time with people in our real lives — and maybe not even like face to face at this point — but even online with our friends and family, or on the phone and that sort of thing.
I think also talking to the people close to us — so, let's say you're getting together with some friends for coffee. You're trying really hard to limit your interaction with social media, and they're all on their smartphones the whole time. That makes it really hard. And besides, how can you connect on a level, a good level or an intimate level, when everybody's distracted? So talking to people in your life about this is what I'm trying to do and I'd appreciate it if, at least when we're together, you try to do that as well.
A few other things that are important are looking for alternatives. So like instead of getting your news from Facebook solely, you know, go to the source, try to find like the website that it was from, not relying on it only from social media sites. If your friends are posting things and you're finding yourself being kind of jealous or envious, talk to the friend in person. Don't just go by what's there. So have some real interaction around it. One thing that I did a couple years ago was I actually deleted all of my social media. I have no social media at all. My family thinks I'm a little bit odd and they'll say, well, didn't you see that message on Facebook? No, I don't have Facebook. I don't have Instagram, I have nothing. And honestly speaking, it was one of the best things that I did. Like, that feeling of, you know, envy about what people were doing or wanting to see what people are doing. Feeling like you have to post a certain amount of time. All of that's gone. It's very much freeing and it takes away some of that anxiety that's created. Some people can't because of their work or that, you know, maybe they have family so far away, and that's the only way they can stay connected. But a. person could still delete the app off their phone, while not deleting their account. So, having a bit of a break from it, or unfollowing certain people on some of the social media apps if those people are causing more distress or concerns. And it's not only about getting sad or depressed, but a lot of people feel anger depending on what they're reading on social media. So getting rid of some of those feelings too by having less interaction with that.
Katherine Hurtig:
For sure. We got an audience question from Luiza. She asks: “is there any age-specific guidelines that you recommend for social media?”
Krista Beck:
Yeah, that's a very good question. And I think like younger and younger kids are now starting to have social media accounts — there's some information out of the U.S. that, I think, it's 95% of youth have access to a smartphone, 75% of them have at least one account — and I think in many ways the guidelines aren't so different from, for example, TV time or screen time in general.
But I think even more important than the actual time is parental involvement — so, making sure that our kids know there's going to be an adult involved: I'm going to be asking questions, I might ask to see your account, [and] what's being said. Because kids don't necessarily have a great understanding of things like privacy like, even though they may know private versus public, there's a lot of trust for what's on the other end of the computer or the phone, and not necessarily understanding all of those implications, or breadcrumbs that can be left. I think there are some great things out there, depending on what internet somebody's using — like Shaw has “Blue Curve”, where the parents can actually set the schedule, turn the internet off for certain devices or certain family members.
So yeah, I think even more important than the actual amount of time is just the role modeling and the parental involvement and the discussion around pros and cons and potential dangers and some of the good things about it that's really critical in that sort of situation.
Katherine Hurtig:
It's very easy to get caught up in what we see on social media and get a good feeling when our post video receives a lot of likes. But it's important to be aware of the difference between the filtered version of reality we see on social media and what's real and authentic.
Do you think teens and young adults are more apt to overuse social media or have difficulty kind of discerning what's real?
Krista Beck:
You know. And sure, I think yes, absolutely. And. I think part of that is, today — I feel like I'm dating myself — but like, when I was a teenager there weren't even cell phones. I can't believe I'm that old already.
Katherine Hurtig:
[laughs]
Krista Beck:
But, so, it really is a different world and technology is just so widespread that it's expected or, certainly, a normalized integral part of day-to-day life. And most teens and even kids in elementary school are using computers at school. Most have cell phones are connecting to the Wi-Fi at the school — so it's very widespread and it's so easy to see, like, what are my friends doing? What are they saying? Why is this happening? How come they have this and I don't? Like just that total comparison and that purposefulness of what's being posted.
And I find, like I have a 13 and a 15 year old, and my daughter is pretty good at kind of showing me what she's posting or what people have said. But I don't really remember ever seeing like a picture of someone's poor grade on an exam or, you know, a guy or a girl looking really distressed because of a breakup, or a video of parents getting upset with their kids. Like, those aren't the things that are posted. It's all the this is what makes life look good or perfect and, so, it definitely can distort that reality that it's just not the day-to-day norm, like snapshots of those good things that are happening.
Katherine Hurtig:
For sure. It's. Yeah, it's very hard to live up to that, absolutely.
Krista talks about the role that parents can play in their child's use of social media. Modeling responsible use and setting limits for ourselves can show our kids the expectations around what we say and do on social media.
Do you have any advice for how parents can model responsible social media use?
Krista Beck:
Yeah, I think being a role model in general is very important. So the amount of time as adults as parents that we're spending on our phones that we're posting on social media, that we're texting, that we're, you know, snapping pictures and putting them places — all of that. Kids, even very young, are very perceptive. They pick up on these things and we're talking to our kids about the use of social media or like the internet in general. But we're always on our phone and it's hard to catch our attention. Because we're always on some device, it's going to be pretty hard to talk to them realistically about that because we're doing the opposite thing.
I think on a day-to-day basis it's very important to even talk about what we're doing. I think it's a good idea, for example, maybe something's bothering me and I kind of talk out loud. So like kids can hear me. Like, you know, I'm really upset about this, and I posted it to… or, I'm tempted to post this particular thing. But you know what? I know that's not a good idea because that's actually rude. And I would never say that in real life. So I'm going to hold off on that. So kind of like even out loud we’re modelling what we're doing.
One thing I've talked to my teens about is eventually you might be applying for post-secondary school. You'll be looking for jobs. What do you want your employer to see? Do you want them to see inappropriate pictures, or potentially things that are not legal or — like, what might be posting, what might be happening. And who's going to see it? Because it's always there. So, kind of that, don't post anything you don't want your grandmother or your employer to see.
Katherine Hurtig:
Words to live by, yeah, yeah.
Krista Beck:
Yeah, and then also like just, think carefully about, how do I treat people in real life? How are they treating people online? And does that align? Because if you're liking, you know comments that are really negative about someone else, that's bullying to like those negative comments. If you're forwarding a picture that's very compromising of one of your friends or people you don't like, that's a very inappropriate thing to do. That's also part of bullying and participating in something negative. If you're not answering the phone when your parents call, that's group behavior, if you're not making yourself available. If you're taking someone else's phone and sending a message to someone, that's deceptive. So what are the behaviors that are important in real life, and how does that translate into online and social media behavior?
Katherine Hurtig:
Speaking of bullying, online and then cyber bullying, it's definitely an issue right now. Do you have any advice you know if you're being bullied yourself online? Or, if you suspect your child is. What you do?
Krista Beck:
Yeah, I would definitely — depending on what's being said, where it's happening, talk to the child's teacher, talk to the administration at the school, like the principal or vice principal, especially if it's, let's say, someone took a picture of someone at school, and it's very negative. The schools already brought into it because of that reason. They're in the picture. I would talk to the administrative staff. Most schools, there's no tolerance for that and would take it fairly seriously.
So I think it's important to not keep it hidden. If people are doing that, it needs to be called out. So if you suspect your child hasn't mentioned it, I would just talk to them, like: you've kind of said these things. It sounds like this might be happening. Do you wanna talk about it? What's going on? You know I'm here to help you. And depending on, let's say, it's actually like a friend and things have gone south and you happen to know the other friend's parents, I would even talk to those parents and say, you know, this is what's happening between our kids. This is what's going on. So I think there's been a culture kind of historically about people maybe trying to deal with it themselves, keeping it under wraps, but that just perpetuates that behaviour. It's important to make it known, make people aware of it and. Call it out so that it can be dealt with for sure, and having that that open communication.
Katherine Hurtig:
You've been listening to “Living Fully”, a Calgary Counseling Centre podcast. Thank you for tuning in.
This episode was produced by Luiza Campos, Amelia Hawley, Eric Tanner and by me, Katherine Hurtig. A special thanks to Krista Beck.
If you or a loved one is struggling with an emotional issue, you don't have to deal with it alone. All Albertans can access counselling through Calgary Counseling Centre and Counselling Alberta. There's no waitlists or financial barriers. Find us online at calgarycounselling.com or counsellingalberta.com.
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“Living Fully” is a production of Calgary Counselling Centre and recorded in Calgary from our offices on Treaty 7 territory. “Living Fully” podcast is not a substitute or alternative for professional care or treatment. If you need help, please go to calgarycounselling.com or call 833.827.4229. Calgary Counselling Centre and Counselling Alberta provide effective counselling with no waitlist and no financial barriers anywhere in Alberta. For help across Canada and the United States, call 211. If you are outside of Canada and the US, you should seek help from your General Medical practitioner. Visit depressionhurts.ca for more information.